as some of you know, i am a cosmetologist. and unlike most of us "cos" girls, i work in a barbershop. many people have asked me why work at a barbershop instead of a salon. well, my friends, i shall tell you.
1. salons are full of girls that have inhaled more deadly chemicals that hitler could have ever produced. this is what makes the steriotypical cosmetologist so "ditsy" and extremely annoying. they have killed off their brain cells.
2. im sick of hearing women complain about their husbands/boyfriends all day. "why can't my husband just put the toilet seat down?!"
"well its not that hard to put it down yourself, sweet cheeks. besides, men don't enjoy the avalanche of tampons, pads, and other various feminine products they enounter every morning when they atempt to find their tooth brush in the medicine cabnet." ooo how i wish i could say that without getting fired ...
3. guys are funnier, thus making my work a lot more enjoyable.
4. the men you meet in a salon are gay. the men you meet in a barbershop are not. but i have a boy myself so im ok there.
dont get me wrong, fellow blogeteers, i love my work and what i do. quite frankly it rocks.
till next time, wish-you-were-me-ers! ;)
Monday, January 08, 2007
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
How many Michigan college students does it take to change a light bulb?
At Michigan State it takes two thousand. One to change the bulb, and the other one thousand nine hundred ninety nine to riot and set it on fire.
At Michigan it takes three. One to change it and the other two to talk about how they did it every bit as good as an ivy leaguer.
At Concordia it takes ten, one to change the bulb and the other nine to sit around and watch because it is the big entertainment of the evening.
At Ferris it takes zero. They are all too drunk from the night before to care whether or not the lights are on.
At Eastern it takes four. One to change the bulb, one to steal the new bulb from the store, one as a look out, and one to drive the getaway car.
At Central Michigan it takes nine. One to screw it in and the other eight just get hammered in celebration.
At Wayne State it takes zero. Who wants to be in Detroit after dark anyway?
At Western it takes twelve, two to figure out how to screw it in and ten other drunks to find an ugly enough lamp shade to match their school colors.
At Adrian it takes zero. There is no electricity in Adrian, only cows and corn.
At Northern it takes five. Four to strap on snow shoes and hike 10 miles to the nearest store to get the new bulb and one to screw it in.
At Michigan Tech and Kettering University it takes twenty. One to change the bulb and the other nineteen to find a new way to engineer it so it never has to be changed again.
At Hillsdale, Albion, and Kalamazoo it takes zero. They have Mommy and Daddy pay someone to do it for them.
At Saginaw Valley it takes five, one to bring the weed and four to smoke it while they all imagine they screwed it in.
At Oakland it takes zero, they can't afford light bulbs just like they cannot afford a football team. At Macomb it takes zero, they live at home, mom and dad control the lights.
At Cornerstone it takes 5 - one to screw it in and the other 4 to pray for the person putting the lightbulb in.
At Calvin it takes 2 to debate whether the lightbulb is predestined to be put into the socket or not.
At Grand Valley it takes 14, 1 to screw it in, and 13 to call everyone in their cell phone to let them know how it went.
At Grand Rapids Community College. none, screwing in light bulbs is far to advanced for them.
At Michigan State it takes two thousand. One to change the bulb, and the other one thousand nine hundred ninety nine to riot and set it on fire.
At Michigan it takes three. One to change it and the other two to talk about how they did it every bit as good as an ivy leaguer.
At Concordia it takes ten, one to change the bulb and the other nine to sit around and watch because it is the big entertainment of the evening.
At Ferris it takes zero. They are all too drunk from the night before to care whether or not the lights are on.
At Eastern it takes four. One to change the bulb, one to steal the new bulb from the store, one as a look out, and one to drive the getaway car.
At Central Michigan it takes nine. One to screw it in and the other eight just get hammered in celebration.
At Wayne State it takes zero. Who wants to be in Detroit after dark anyway?
At Western it takes twelve, two to figure out how to screw it in and ten other drunks to find an ugly enough lamp shade to match their school colors.
At Adrian it takes zero. There is no electricity in Adrian, only cows and corn.
At Northern it takes five. Four to strap on snow shoes and hike 10 miles to the nearest store to get the new bulb and one to screw it in.
At Michigan Tech and Kettering University it takes twenty. One to change the bulb and the other nineteen to find a new way to engineer it so it never has to be changed again.
At Hillsdale, Albion, and Kalamazoo it takes zero. They have Mommy and Daddy pay someone to do it for them.
At Saginaw Valley it takes five, one to bring the weed and four to smoke it while they all imagine they screwed it in.
At Oakland it takes zero, they can't afford light bulbs just like they cannot afford a football team. At Macomb it takes zero, they live at home, mom and dad control the lights.
At Cornerstone it takes 5 - one to screw it in and the other 4 to pray for the person putting the lightbulb in.
At Calvin it takes 2 to debate whether the lightbulb is predestined to be put into the socket or not.
At Grand Valley it takes 14, 1 to screw it in, and 13 to call everyone in their cell phone to let them know how it went.
At Grand Rapids Community College. none, screwing in light bulbs is far to advanced for them.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
men & women
Q) Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A) Because they all already have boyfriends.
Q) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A) A widow.
Q) Why are married women heavier than single women?
A) Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q) Why are men like public toilets?
A) They're always vacant, engaged or full of sh*t.
Q) What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A) One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his a**... and the other is a chimpanzee.
xoxo, 'ren
Q) Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A) Because they all already have boyfriends.
Q) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A) A widow.
Q) Why are married women heavier than single women?
A) Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q) Why are men like public toilets?
A) They're always vacant, engaged or full of sh*t.
Q) What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A) One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching his a**... and the other is a chimpanzee.
xoxo, 'ren
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Real Meaning Behind Personal Ad Abreviations
Most people have at least once in their lives, read through the
singles classified ads. Perhaps wondering what type of person is
behind the ad. Maybe some of you have even answered some of them.
Well for those of you that have tried to figure out what those
descriptions really mean, one of our subscribers has done it for
you!
The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:
FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN
40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
-------------------------------------------------------------------
THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves making out Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to get with your sister but she's
not interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother
on Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Most people have at least once in their lives, read through the
singles classified ads. Perhaps wondering what type of person is
behind the ad. Maybe some of you have even answered some of them.
Well for those of you that have tried to figure out what those
descriptions really mean, one of our subscribers has done it for
you!
The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:
FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN
40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
-------------------------------------------------------------------
THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves making out Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to get with your sister but she's
not interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother
on Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
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